now this shit is personal

SOOO. I just got on the wii fit.. last week it said 171... this week... 179... WTF!!!! I know how it happened.. I know what I did to gain the weight. I have to try.. I mean realllllly try. I am doing a fund raiser to help my pal Annie adopt from Etheopia. I am up to $4.50 for each pound that I lose. My goal is to lose 20 pounds. I have gained 30 pounds since I have been dating Ryan.. which is just a couple months over a year.. that is how much people gain when they have a baby.... A BABY!!!! I think that I really may be a food addict... maybe I will try a little OA in addition to weight watchers.

5 pounds of me

Are gone...and I promise myself that those pounds will never see my ass again until I get pregnant.

so

I kind of love weight watchers. I love that after I eat, I don't feel guilty. I really wasn't eating completely horrible, but I was just eating too much. I have yet to weight myself, I am going to tomorrow. My new favorite treat for myself is OIKOS carmel greek yogurt. It is only 2 points and it as as good as ice cream. I feel like I am weighing my options on what to eat. Over all, I am happy.

The Truth

I do know why I keep gaining weight even though I am "dieting" and exerecizing. I have been eating my feelings for months. I am not going to buy my purse and instead am going to take that money and join weight watchers.


-I just signed up. I have lost weight by weight watchers and excersizing before. Fingers crossed.

3 am parties on my face

The bad mood continues. Mr Boy woke up in full party mode at 3a. I layed there for 2 hours thinking about how much I hate my job, then I got up and watched food inc., and then fell back asleep around 7, waking up at 8:30. All of this would not be a big deal, except for I want to punch everything. The thing that I was looking forward to was getting my nasty hair done. I have been growing it out and it looks like Daria and one of the Jonas brothers had a baby on my head. Back to the haircut, Ryans friend was supposed to do it, but she is sick so I am getting it done on Friday. I am impatient. Also, it seems like every time I get on the wii, I have gained weight. It is so frustrating and I am on the verge of tears right now. I have never had this much trouble losing weight in my life. Does anyone know where I can score some meth. Ryan has a mouthgaurd. Maybe if I wear it while doing meth, I wont get meth mouth. I had intended to take a walk on my break, but I though that feeling sorry for myself on my lunchbreak was a better idea. I think i will do a video via netflix when I get home.

ouch.. still.. and a horrible day at work

I did not even try to get up early today.. I am in a hulk smash mood. I had the worst day at work ever.. its cold. I tried to take the boy for a walk and he wasn't having it. Wii fit it is.

OUCH

I am so sore today. I took Lego for about a mile walk, but that was all I had it me. I am pretty worn out, so I am keeping it short.. 1mile today.

Breakfast- cashews and 2 clementines

7 more days... halfway there!!

Today I ran/mostly walked outside with my sister. She is about to run a half marathon so needed to run 8 miles today. I was like.. sure I can do that, I could do that on the elliptical with no problem.. WRONG. Running outside v/s inside is a completely different ball game. I realized this about myself today- I set COMPLETELY unreasonable goals for myself. I don't try to take baby steps, I try to completely make over my life and when I do things like that, it will be easy. Life doesn't work that way. I ended up doing probably a little over 5 miles. I could have ran a little more of it then I did. When I came home, I walked Lego for at least another mile (I had to carry him part of the way because he was a tired little boy. Six miles is the most I have done in the past week. Looking back from this week, I have to admit that I am really proud of myself. I worked out every day. There were a couple days where I didnt have monster workouts, but I got myself moving, and that is a start. I am re-setting to a more reasonable goal, for the next three weeks. I am still going to work out every day, but I am not going to go on staying away from anything processed. I am going to cut that out, little by little. For the next week, I will eat nothing processed for breakfast.

SO that is my goal.. work out every day and eat nothing processed for breakfast.

Wii Fit again... and the last supper

Today, even though I had a rant about me going to the gym in the morning, I did wii fit instead. I did 40 minutes wich is more than I did yesterday, but it doesnt get my heart pumping and make my lungs hurt like cardio. I am not sure if your lungs are supposed to hurt when you do cardio, but I really like it. It makes me feel like I am getting some shit accomplished. So I was thinking about what I am going to buy myself in three weeks if I meet my goals.. I have added another goal onto the next session. I will give myself $100 to spend on spring dresses. I have yet to buy anything from H&M, so most likely it will be spent there.... OH and the new goal is to eat nothing processed... but that starts tomorrow, SOOO for the next 3 weeks I will eat nothing processed. This calls for a last supper.. paneer Mahkahni from Krishna... oh one more goal... dont punch anyone in the face for the next three weeks.

Wii fit WTF

SO.. today I couldn't manage to get my ass out of bed. I went to work and all day I thought about how shitty it was going to be to go to the gym. My plan was to go to Urban Yoga at 7:15. I decided that I didnt want to be in the gym for that long of amount of time. I went to the one in Bellevue and looked at the parking lot and decided it was too full and I would work out at home. I went home.. and my car broke down a block away from our house. I walked home and then when Ryan came home we put gas in it, and that was what was wrong. My point for today being that putting things off.. like working out and eating better is what has gotten me in the fatty position that I am in. I ended up doing a 20 minute work out on the wii fit .. It isnt much but it is better then doing it because I have had a bad day. I am full of excuses and that is what I hate about myself. My day is so much better when I work out in the morning.... WITH NO EXCUSES...

PS... the wii fit weighs you when you get on and I have gained weight .. WTF... I dont get it and I am frustrated... I was eating way worse and not working out at all before... I dont have an option but to keep going but it would be really nice to see some results.

10

Same routine as yesterday. I went to Urban Active in the morning. I did 4.5 on the elliptical, but I bumped up the resistance. Most of the hour was spent on a 6 incline at a 6 resistance. It is hard to stay motivated with out seeing immediate results. I am just going to have to keep buying myself presents.. What should I buy myself after the purse?

11 more days

Today I did 4.5 miles on the elliptical. This is no where even close to what I used to do, but at least its me trying. I went before work which I love (even though I dont love waking up early). I love knowing that when I get off work, I can go home do nothing. I think it may have helped me make healthier decisions through out the day because I am not about to wake up early for nothing.

12 days closer to a new purse

Yoga was easier today even with a harder instructor. I am glad because I am not as discouraged. The elliptical, however, was no where near as easy. I am going to blame it on wearing earth shoes and not on my big fat ass.

Yoga

So how much of a difference is 15 pounds.... a ton if you are doing yoga. This summer my bat-shit crazy OCD returned like a raging a-hole, bringing with it anti-depressants and 15 pounds of fat ass to keep it company. I went to a yoga class today, and it totally hulk smashed my body. I am already sore, and it has only been two hours. It wasn't even a hard class, not even one plank, and I already want to never go again. When I started doing yoga last year, it wasn't nearly this hard for me. This is just more motivation for me to lose the weight.

Ugh

So... My goal is to work out every day for the next two weeks. I have made a deal with myself that if I reach my goal, I will buy myself any purse that I want, which is this little number. I bought Ryan a wii fit for valentines day. We are having a contest that the person who loses the most weight in a 3 month span gets $200. So far he is winning. With only, 2 months left, it is time for me to step up my game. Besides the fact that I would really LOVE a new purse, I need to get healthy. The "Little's" have tons of health problems. Every single one of my fathers brothers and sisters are diabetic and none of them have lived past 68. Personally, I want to live long enough to be bat shit crazy, living in an Rv on my grandkid's college campus. I would rather die of something out of my control, then of something that was a result of me not taking care of myself. I know it will be shitty and I will be cranky about waking up early to go to the gym, but it cant be much worse then me being cranky when I have to take a shower because I know that I have to see myself naked.